Taken To The Cleaners! Sofa Surfer Reviews Taken 3

One can only hope!

"Why, Liam? Why?!" I kept thinking this to myself during the latest January action flick starring the tall Irishman. I'm a big Neeson fan, but three Taken films is pushing it. The first Taken was a surprise, an action treat that featured the actor flexing his rarely seen action-hero muscles. Brief and violent, the film was a compact thriller that established Neeson in an entirely new realm: B-movie action films! How many voicemails were left on friends' phones in the style of Neeson's warning to the Albanian baddies? Countless, I'm sure (guilty! even more awkward and fun with strangers). I enjoyed the first Taken immensely, but I did not expect a sequel. Maybe more action films for Liam, but not a sequel! Well, the cash registers demanded MORE, so the sequel popped up and made even more money. Again, seeing Neeson take the bad guys to the cleaners was a treat, but the rest of the film was disappointing, and that's putting it nicely!

The third time around, I feel like I was the one who was taken to the cleaners. I knew Taken 3 would come (due to the box office results of the previous entry), but who would be taken (or...Tak3n?!)? Well, it depends on your definition of "taken." It was an utter shock to me when I realized the trailers had lied and the film is a wonderful romantic comedy in the vein of Ridley Scott's A Good Year, starring Russell Crowe. "I'm taken with you, Lenore!" Brian Mills (Neeson) says ten minutes into the film to ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen), as Maggie Grace and Dougray Scott engage in a slapstick cooking scene where each get flour all over each other and laugh the whole time. Later on, Forest Whitaker appears as Ghost Dog, the modern day samurai, and does cheap magic tricks, almost fooling you into thinking you're actually watching a good movie!

If you thought the last one was great, then maybe you should stop reading this review and go buy your ticket for this one. You sick bastards! (I jest, I jest...mostly) Even you will be disappointed. It sets the bar low and fails repeatedly to clear it! Taken 3 has taken out almost everything that worked for the last two films, aside from Liam Neeson of course. Instead of an exotic location for Neeson to tool around in, providing the audience with a bit of sightseeing in Paris and Istanbul, his Mills character runs around Los Angeles and other CHEAPER places to film, battling police officers, Forest Whitaker's supposed intellect, Russian baddies (oh they've never been used before), and the editing. Seriously, the film is cut an absurd number of times. If you thought the Bourne films made you queasy with their jump cuts and shaky camera work (which I was honestly pretty forgiving of), then you better bring a barf bag to this one. Or better yet, avoid it entirely.

See? Romantic comedy!

The plot is threadbare even compared to the first two, and there aren't any huge twists hiding in the narrative. The film sets itself up with some weak drama, as Lenore wants to leave her husband Stuart (Dougray Scott, my main man) for ex-husband Brian (Neeson), and Kim (Maggie Grace) has gotten pregnant, afraid of telling her father. It takes way too long for the action to get moving, because let's be honest: you came to see Taken 3 for the intricately plotted and well-written family drama. NOT THE ACTION. I was hoping the dramatic stakes might raise the action stakes for the film, but instead of a powerhouse Neeson performance or powerful right hook from the former amateur boxer, we get .2 second long shots of "something happening." Have fun trying to figure out who or WHAT is onscreen half the time (exaggeration, of course, but barely). Yes, even the action element of this film is poorly executed. If you saw the trailer, you've seen the film. In fact, I liked the trailer more than I liked the film. Oliver Megaton, a go to guy for ruining the third films in B-movie action trilogies (well, just Transporter 3, but that's another story), directs this one in such an uninspired manner that I wondered if he was even there for half of the shoot. The second film felt like a cash in, albeit a mildly entertaining one, whereas this film just feels like it was made in a creative vacuum, with barely any entertainment to be found. Emphasis on barely entertaining. The other technical aspects of the film outside of cinematography, like sound and music, are not standout aspects of the experience. A fair amount of the music sounds like it was recycled from Taken 2. This is a cash-in at its most inert, a by the numbers way to waste 104 minutes of your day. What should be a slam dunk, whiz bang flurry of Neeson punches is instead a blur of lazy chase sequences and a letdown of a fight against a Russian criminal in his underwear. Wouldn't it be cool to see Neeson outsmart the police at every turn, calling on his operator buddies for help every once in a while? Not in this damn movie. Forest Whitaker musing about bagels is all you get. For some, maybe that's all you need?

Dougray, pining away for the time when he was in MI:2

The film is not QUITE a colossal failure, as Neeson is still there to lay down the "law." That's as much of a compliment I can pay the film. It has Liam Neeson, and at his worst (or sleepiest in this case), he's still a better actor than most. As a Liam Neeson fan, I did enjoy him (and his stunt double) beating guys up. That's the lone positive. With the action shot as such, though, it's hard to enjoy Neeson beatdowns, draining most all of my enjoyment out of this film. What else is good...Dougray Scott is in it? He's a good scumbag? Forest Whitaker is always...interesting? These actors deserve a better movie. Or maybe they don't, since they signed on in the first place! Come on, Dougray! Tarnishing your Mission: Impossible 2 anchored legacy?!

Bagels...

If you're a huge Liam Neeson fan, then I can't stop you. He IS an awesome dude. I saw the film because of him! And yet I was let down even with low expectations going in. I wish someone had taken me out to lunch instead of this film. I wonder if the Taken Trilogy Limited Edition Box Set will have an apology note from Liam saying, I'm sorry, we've "Taken" this too far! If you're thinking of paying to see this, go watch the first Taken instead or Batman Begins (or pretty much any Neeson film). If you're an absolutely massive fan of Neeson and cannot miss any of his films, add half a star onto my rating below. And then wonder why you feel like you've been robbed when you leave the theater.

1.5 out of 4 Stars

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuU0M2xBasc

One Does Not Simply...Make A Good Lord of the Rings Game! Sofa Surfer Reviews Shadow of Mordor

I am an immense fan of Tolkien's work, and as such, any works associated with Lord of the Rings I await with bated breath. As successful as the the Lord of the Rings series has been, the games have been a bit less successful. Aside from early titles over twenty years old, I have had the opportunity to play through the entire stable of Tolkien related games. I actually enjoyed most all of the games at their time of release (aside from Fellowship on PS2 and CONQUEST!! ugh), but time has not been quite as kind I had hoped. The Fellowship of the Ring game, based only on the books, came and went on PS2 and Xbox in 2002, boasting two memorable moments: the Black Rider encounter in the Shire, and an absurdly long ladder in Moria that took my Frodo avatar about half the Third Age to climb. Outside of these moments, the game was painfully subpar. The Gameboy Advance title, which I happened to really enjoy as a kid (embarrassingly so...), in retrospect, is also a poor approximation of Tolkien's rich world. The Hobbit title, while much more agreeable with excellent music and some Zelda-esque gameplay on the Gamecube, still missed the mark a bit (though at times, I wish the Hobbit film trilogy could capture the game's rollicking sense of adventure), as much as enjoyed it. The Third Age, a side-story of an adventure bearing resemblance to Final Fantasy, was also a fair bit of formula fun, though I wished to break free from the so-so characters and travel with the Fellowship (not the faux-Fellowship on display here!). A couple years back, War in the North arrived on Xbox 360, and my initial elation was eventually dashed by the acceptable gameplay and barely passable story. I don't loathe the game the way I loathe the missed opportunity that is Conquest on the 360, but I was extremely disappointed. But fear not, fans of Tolkien and action games! Shadow of Mordor is an exciting and violent addition to the Lord of the Rings series of games, holding its own alongside my personal LotR favorites, the Two Towers and Return of the King hack-and-slash fests on Gamecube!! (Note: I never got to play Lord of the Rings Online, though from what I've heard, it's worth a go.)

Oh my youth!

Evident from the beginning, Mordor is light on story and heavy on free-form action. Taking place over two medium-sized areas in Sauron's neighborhood, the game takes place between the Hobbit and LotR, providing insight into Sauron's return to Mordor and eventual placement in Barad Dur's penthouse suite. Talion, a rough and tough ranger who acts as a sort of Aragorn-lite, is set along the path to gory revenge as he is inhabited by a wraith from ages ago (vague, I know, but no spoilers here!), giving him some ghostly powers and Batman-like combat abilities and counters (with the addition of, you know, the killing and swords parts). In other words, a patchwork of other games' mechanics fall into place here, executed skillfully and with panache!

Graphics and Sound

I made the mistake of booting up the game on Xbox 360 before I got my Xbox One, and hooooo boy did it look rough. Like not loading textures rough. So to anyone considering the purchase of Mordor on 360, do yourself a favor and avoid it. The mechanics are ultimately the same aside from the Nemesis system being cut down, but the absurd amount of loading times and such make it tough to play (unless there's a patch that I'm unaware of). The Xbox One version, on the other hand, looks most excellent. Talion moves with a vicious fluidity, and the orcs and uruks are animated just as well. They rove the burned out fortresses of Mordor with hunched-over gaits and violent purpose. The two primary areas of the game, although not expansive, are rendered aptly, and I was impressed by the way blood flies off of Talion's weapons on his more skillful strikes. I was a bit underwhelmed by the wraith world Talion enters (similar to what Frodo sees when he puts on the ring), but the various gruesome villains and injuries they bear after repeated encounters are well done. All of this plays out without the framerate taking a hit (and with a few instances of screen tearing, but not many). Overall, the graphical package doesn't make for a system seller as the environments are not quite varied enough to catch one's eye with some blah textures (I suppose parts of Mordor are supposed to be a bit barren), but it's still quite strong overall. 

Talion's cure for a headache!

On the sound side of things, Mordor is solid. The guttural grunts and growls from the orcs and uruks are fitting, and the voice actors for the various Mordor captains are generally good. Talion, voiced by the ever present and able Troy Baker, is earnest, set against the intensely focused wraith who is also voiced well. The appropriate clangs of sword metal on metal are good, and the sword on villain sounds are VERY good. The bone-crunching combat is well-represented by the sound department. The music, as passable as it may be, pales in comparison to Howard Shore's LotR film score (which is one of my favorite soundtracks ever, so others may enjoy the music on display more without Shore's score to compare it to). It isn't weak by any means, and the war drums and chants get the blood pumping on occasion, but the orchestration doesn't carry you away on a wave of sound and fury like the film scores did. 

Gameplay
First up is the story, and oh my....what a missed opportunity. To put it bluntly, the game falls into a so-so, predictable revenge tale plot line quite quickly. As much as I wanted to take my revenge on the bastards who murdered those I (as Talion) love, it just never coalesced into a strong narrative. The introduction of interesting villains leads almost nowhere out of the ordinary, aside from a couple choice encounters and intriguing backstory tidbits on each of the three big baddies. The voice acting keeps things afloat, but it cannot make up for the fairly pedestrian story. What kept me going were a few twists involving the wraith that inhabits Talion's body, but of course I won't spoil those (especially if you like your LotR lore!). The characters really never got me too involved, and an orc that operated as comic relief (of sorts) felt out of place. I was sincerely hoping for a powerful addition to the pre-LotR canon, but ended my time with the title disappointed. The wide open nature of the game doesn't do the story any favors (which is surprising, considering a lead writer from Red Dead Redemption worked on the game), but does do wonders for the actual gameplay.

One of the most interesting villains, primarily because of his backstory.

As promised by Monolith Productions, the combat is a "bloody" good time. And it has to be, as well, since there is not much else to do in the game other than fight. This is both good and bad for the game. On one hand, the Arkham-style attack and counter system works like a dream against huge bands of roving Uruks. Though maybe not quite as polished as the Batman series' combat, it is still excellent, and, thankfully, very gruesome. Mixing together perfectly timed counters and combos into strings of grisly orc executions (slow motion decapitations!) makes the game as fun to watch as it is to play. On the other hand, however, as fun as the combat can be, that's pretty much all you'll be doing the entire game. Sure, there are some collectibles to be found (especially fun for fans of Tolkien lore), hunting to be done, and some simple platforming and stealth sections, but after hours upon hours of combat, I was feeling the pain of repetition. I didn't expect puzzles or the like, but some other diversions outside of combat challenges with the dagger, sword, and bow would have been welcome. Though repetitive after 18 hours of combat, the game is certainly still worth the price of admission. The platforming is perhaps most similar to a simplified Assassin's Creed, climbing walls at the push of a button and running across ropes with ease and grace. It was fun to scope out enemy encampments and plan my attacks, sniping archers with well-placed wraith arrows and marking captains to hunt. The completely open battlefields allowed for numerous choices for approach, always a plus getting the choice between precision stealth or pitched, open battle. The side quests, though composed of more combat, give out upgrades and bonuses at a steady pace. Upgrading my dagger to provide more terrifying stealth finishers kept me chugging along, and hunting down a massive creature known as a graug was exciting. Less exciting were the primary boss fights, with the final boss nothing more than a glorified quick-time event. OH FOR BOROMIR'S SAKE!! WHY?!?!?! Thankfully, the Nemesis system and war chief encounters make up for the weak boss fights and half-baked story.

The sheer amount of variation in Orc and Uruk encounters due to the Nemesis system drives the game forward. Knocking off one captain in order to set up a power play for your own manipulated orc minion to take his place never got old, and the individual personalities and quirks (weaknesses and fears and such) of these minions of Sauron made each encounter a treat. My favorite experiences involved defeating captains a number of times, only for them to return, seeking vengeance for the scars I left them with. ONLY TO DEFEAT THEM AGAIN, making their acolytes flee in terror! One slight annoyance I had with these captain encounters were the unavoidable introductions for each one of them, stopping the flow of the gameplay. After multiple meetings, I at least wanted the option to skip the intros. Working your way up the hierarchy to battle the top-tier war chiefs is almost as fun in the Trials of War mode, which scores the player based on completion time and other conditions in one long (no deaths for a good score!) hunt for the war chiefs. I really enjoyed the strategic element of the Nemesis system, shaping the enemies into more than just sword fodder. It was a well-implemented and integral part of the Mordor experience, and I hope other games develop a similar system for enemy encounters and hierarchy (if it fits the overall game experience, that is, since shoehorning features into games not designed for such systems would diminish the experience dramatically).

As much as I was ultimately disappointed by the story and eventual repetition in the combat-centric gameplay, these did not nearly outweigh my appreciation for the Nemesis system and the bloody Uruk fights. I was also slightly disappointed by the medium-sized areas you explore in the game, but mainly because I've always wanted a massive, Middle-Earth spanning LotR RPG that would allow me to wreak havoc in Minas Tirith or the Shire. White Council, why have you forsaken me?!?! As a huge LotR fan, I absolutely recommend it, and even for those of you who aren't huge Tolkien buffs, this action game is worth a dive. I will likely (eventually...) review the entire LotR library of games (if only Treason of Isengard ever came out!), but only after I have reviewed most of the James Bond video game universe! James Bond video game and film reviews will be coming very soon, probably along with a discussion of each film if everything goes according to plan. Muahahaha! Next up, my review of the Silmarillion game on iPhone (a million laughs). Until next time! Time to hit the surf!

8.75 out of 10

Graphics: The barren plains by the Black Gate and shimmering grasslands of Nurn are rendered quite well. The animations are also quite good, but there were a couple rough texture patches and some screen tearing. Solid orc and uruk designs and variations. Perhaps not system-selling graphics, but still impressive.

Sound: The music is solid, but lacking the majestic orchestration of the LotR film trilogy. The voice acting and battle sounds are well-done, with the various orcs and uruks growling appropriately. I was called a maggot about two thousand times, which was annoying in the long run. 

Replay Value: The story does not take too long to run through, but there a number of sidequests and challenges to complete. With the Trials of War mode providing an endless Nemesis playground, the game can last anywhere from 12 hours to over 20 hours to complete. It took me a solid 18 hours to reach 100%.

Entertainment Value: I really wanted an involving storyline and characters. Instead, Shadow of Mordor gave me strong, hard-hitting combat and the wonderful Nemesis system. Consider me satisfied! This is definitely a full-price purchase for action fans and LotR fans alike. One of the finest games (and surprises) of 2014.

It's okay guys the game is good!