Mindless Fun and Schlock At The Arena! Sofa Surfer Reviews Pompeii

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6TRwfxDICM>

Pompeii is wonderfully trashy, a 3D mash-up of all the gladiator movies you've seen and then some. Wearing its inspirations on its sleeve, the film is entirely predictable and derivative, but that doesn't mean that the film itself isn't any fun! Without giving too much away (as though the poster isn't obvious enough), I caught myself enjoying the film, feeling almost a little embarrassed as I chuckled at the melodramatic feel of the enterprise, watching the volcano erupt and wreak havoc as the film tried to make time for youthful love AND revenge. Kiefer Sutherland of 24 (and 1993's cinematic landmark Three Musketeers? No?) fame hams it up as the lead villain, a Roman senator named Corvus who loves to chew scenery and be despicably evil. Jon Sno-er, Kit Harington is perfectly serviceable as the lead, a rebellious and vengeful gladiator known as the Celt. His cheese-grater abs and smoldering looks at the female lead, Emily Browning (as Cassia, daughter of Pompeii's "ruler"), amount to a whole lot of nothing, however, as the film's prospective love story never really gets off the ground, with most of their romance conveyed through extended eye contact and longing looks. 

The rest of the supporting cast turns in acceptable performances with adequate deliveries of the corny, clichéd dialogue, with Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as the powerful, axe-wielding gladiator champion Atticus standing out from the rest of the pack. This is shallow fare, and if you go into the film expecting a cinematic wonder on par with, say, a Ben-Hur (OR pick an epic sword and sandals flick you love), you will be quite disappointed with the end result. Director Paul W.S. Anderson, best known for his work on the Resident Evil film franchise, is no maverick, though he seems to be perfectly satisfied shooting for a film on par with other guilty pleasures he has created--the first Resident Evil film being one such example--successfully striking an old-school feel that ensures the film has no aspirations for higher cinema "glory." It's the definition of a guilty pleasure, perhaps even more so than my beloved Van Helsing. The fight scenes are cut up a bit much, with editing ruining some of the impact of brutally quick swordplay making for a mostly bloodless affair, and the mostly humorless narrative never coalesces into a satisfying love story. However, if you go into the film with adjusted expectations and leave your history lessons at the door, the blaring score, heated arena battles, and overwhelming, destructive CGI spectacle may just make you smile. It doesn't hurt if you want to see Jack Bauer and a Game of Thrones hero (and a volcano?!) square off either!

If you chuckle at the idea of Kiefer Sutherland playing a Roman Senator and aren't afraid of hamming it up right with him, give Pompeii a rental! Don't forgot the popcorn. As for the rest of you, are you not entertained? Are you not entertained?! Is this not why you are here?! Check out Gladiator instead. Cheers!

2.5 out of 4 stars